Marriage Anchors

8. February 2011

Comments Off on Don’t Get Married!

Don’t Get Married!

Kate came to our home recently because she was troubled over so many issues in her life. She expressed deep anger and frustration because things, especially relationships with men, were not going her way. She had been married once before but that ended in disaster.

She desperately wanted peace and hope in her life. She had been to at least 20 counselors and pastors over the years. She either did not like their advice or they simply told her things she wanted to hear to pacify her.

She came to us a few months ago for similar reasons. At that time, we strongly advised her to end her relationship with a controlling, immoral man who did not follow or serve the Lord Jesus. When she met with us a few days ago, we asked her about that unequally yoked relationship. She said she did not listen to us but, rather, she felt that continuing to meet with this man was God’s plan for her spiritual growth.

Spiritual growth? You have got to be kidding! We shot straight with her and referred her to the Living Truth, the written Word of God, the Bible. God is quite clear about His plan.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

She got mad over this rather straightforward confrontation. Here she was….a mid-forties Christian woman expecting God to revolve around her hopes, needs, wishes, and dreams. Kate is dearly loved by her Heavenly Father, yet, she has fallen into the devil’s trap like so many of the wonderful people we mentor. She has swallowed the lie that says, “God wants me happy so He will allow me to disobey Him so that my plans can be fulfilled.”

She said, “I learned so much from this difficult relationship! How could it not be ordained by God?” We shared with her that if her choices in life oppose God’s Word, then her choices oppose and offend God Himself.

She sat there in her lonely, selfish misery and cried.

Then she said that she wants to get married again some day sooner than later. “I don’t want to be alone. I want to love and be loved just like most people want.”

Barbara, in her quiet, merciful, discerning way, gently looked into Kate’s eyes and said to her, “Don’t get married! Kate looked absolutely blown off the map! The look on Kate’s face said, “How can you say such a cruel thing, because don’t you know? God wants me happy!”

There are many passages from God’s Word that she needs to humbly embrace. One such verse is Joshua 22:5 ESV

Only be very careful to observe the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the LORD commanded you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments and to cling to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul."

Barbara tried to help her understand that if you want to marry someone someday, you must be willing to die to your selfish plans. She urged Kate to humble herself and cry out to the Lord Jesus to arrest her heart so that she would surrender fully and daily to the hopes, plans and dreams of her Lord, Teacher, Friend, and Savior. His Word, the manna from Heaven, would be her guide.

Barbara stated again. “Don’t get married! …unless the Lord calls or commands you to marry a godly man who’s faith has been tested by trial, who has not fallen away from the Lord and his path of Truth.”

Barbara boldly went further. She told Kate, “Don’t get married!...unless your ministry together will glorify God more than remaining single. Kate was shocked to learn that God’s ordained marriage is not so much about happiness, closeness, and lovy dovy-ness. Rather it is about one Christian man and one Christian woman humbly surrendering to Christ and obeying His command to enter into His marriage to advance His Kingdom.

We need to heed the following verses in terms of relating to God’s sacred calling and mission in light of marriage:

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Ephesians 4:1

We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me. Colossians 1:28-29

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 2 Corinthians 5:18

We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. 2 Corinthians 5:20a

When Kate left, she apologized for getting angry. She thanked us for sharing the loving Truth with her. What she does with the Truth is between her and God.

So for all who read this and are thinking of getting married…Don’t get married!...Unless…

*****

jgrunseth@centurylink.net

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7 Glues for your Engagement and Marriage

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Marriage Anchors

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Rekindling Your Faith

http://www.campuscrusade.com/promos/RekindlingYourFaith.html

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8. December 2010

Comments Off on Go After Your Loved Ones

Go After Your Loved Ones

What is important to you and your marriage this Christmas season? You are probably like us. We find ourselves wrapped up in way too many great activities, some we enjoy and some we endure. I confess that last Saturday, I was wallowing in the frenzied intensity of Christmas Shopping with my wife, Barbara.

We drove about 40 minutes to get to the Mall, Target, and, yes…TOYS R US! There I saw madness at its finest! There was Santa, store staff dressed as reindeer, and someone wearing an 8 foot tall Giraffe costume. The store was filled with parents, kids, grandparents, and more kids. They had cookies to frost and give away. I wanted one but was too embarrassed to ask for one. Maybe next time.

I am married to a really wonderful person! About half way through this “shopping” experience, I asked Barbara if I could just go out to the car and rest a bit. I figure I have about a one hour emotional air tank for such shopping. If I am in the store longer than that, I get what I call the “shopping bends”. If you have ever scuba dived, you know what I am talking about. She graciously released me from the store depths. As soon as I got in the car, I turned the heater on and promptly went to sleep. Now that is my kind of shopping!

An hour or two later, Barbara came out with toys for the grandkids. I was grateful we were done here. The problem was that we had “more” stores to explore. I heard the word “more” and, of course, my heart sank. “Oh no! I am going to be utterly swallowed up by stores, the endless clicking of clothes racks, tons of people, and certainly not enough chairs or, better yet, soft couches for me to sit on and doze. After six hours of mindless (my choice of words, not Barbara’s) shopping, we slowly drove home in the dark.

I think it was later the next day, Sunday, after church, that I realized that my “I hate shopping!” heart attitude was not conducive to the right Christmas spirit. I felt a wee bit like old Scrooge. This Scrooge needed a heart check. I was so tired of everything that has to be done during the holiday season that I forgot the most important things concerning Christmastime: The Lord Jesus coming to earth as a baby in Bethlehem. Think about it for a minute. God, the Father, sent His only Son to earth to pursue us, to reach us, and to save us from our sins. John 3:16 says,

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

I began to ponder the idea that what was and is important to Jesus needs to become important to me and Barbara. The Lord’s focus and passion was on one thing:

“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.” Luke 19:10

Wow! Just think about this. Jesus loved us so much that we were central in his heart. I ask myself the following tough questions. “What or who is central in my heart. What is my heart’s cry?” Stepping back a minute from the torrent of shopping, sending out Christmas cards, being a part of wonderful Christmas concerts, and decorating the house and trees, my heart check reveals some good news! From this day forward I want my heart to reflect His heart as I interact with Barbara, my loving wife and partner, my adult children, and my grandkids. I don’t want to be an exhausted Scrooge or an old grump.

I want to set my eyes on Jesus and then go after my loved ones. I want to seek them. I want to find them and I want to love, bless, and encourage each one with smiles, hugs, words of praise and hope. I no longer want to focus on where my wife and family members fall short. The truth is,

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23

I think, at times, I have fallen into the carnal view of family and Christmas. Do you ever focus on your mate’s or your children’s or grandchildren’s faults, foibles, sins, or past miserable track records? I confess, I have. And I turn from it right now, here, as I type this letter. I ask my wife’s and my children’s forgiveness.

I have an idea, even at my age! Consider joining me in focusing on Jesus, resting in His love and peace. Then let’s go after our loved ones. Hug each and every one. Tell each one you love them and that you are proud of them. If you won’t be seeing them, call them, go to Facetime, WhatsApp, Zoom, etc. and you can love on them face to face on your computer and it is free.

For those of you who face broken, distant, or damaged relationships, please know that our hearts go out to you. Perhaps pray about the loss, the misunderstanding, the rift, and then as Jesus does toward us, go after your loved ones anyway. Pursue them. Confess any anger you have had, and do your humble best to make amends. If Jesus can come to earth, suffer and die for us, we can suffer to reach out to those we don’t get along with. Right?

Give: https://give.cru.org/0139150

Contact: Jim.Grunseth@Cru.Org

Please download our latest Free E Books:

7 Glues for your Engagement and Marriage

https://marriageanchors.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Seven-Glues-for-Your-Engagement-and-Marriage.pdf

Marriage Anchors

https://marriageanchors.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Marriage-Anchors.pdf

Rekindling Your Faith

http://www.campuscrusade.com/promos/RekindlingYourFaith.html

Seek Jesus and go after your loved ones this Christmas.

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6. November 2010

Comments Off on Who are you focusing on in your marriage?

Who are you focusing on in your marriage?

Have you ever asked yourself this question? After years of mentoring couples, we find many are focusing on what God has provided them instead of focusing on the One who provides. Here is the problem. You marry the love of your life. You step down off the marriage altar and begin to zero in on your mate. Naturally, over time, you begin to focus on his or her faults, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies.

Subtly, you begin to reject your mate and require him or her to measure up to some set of standards. You subconsciously demand that he or she improves and meets your needs. Your mate feels he or she will never measure up to your performance-based requirements. [...]

25. September 2010

Comments Off on Strengthen Your Marriage by Nurturing Your Mate

Strengthen Your Marriage by Nurturing Your Mate

Why is it that some gardens do better than others? The answer is they are nurtured. Good soil, fertilizer, careful planting, proper spacing, weeding, and watering all play their part. The same goes for your marriage.

I once planted a small garden. I planted it in May but I did not go back to it until October! I had one limp zucchini about 3 inches long and some very hot radishes! In essence, the soil was so poor weeds did not even like to grow there. They don’t call me “Brown Thumb Jim” for nothing.

This is what happens to so many marriages. They plant at the wedding alter. Then the couple expects their marriage relationship to just grow, deepen, and flourish. Is it any wonder why the majority of marriages sooner or later end up like my October garden? [...]

14. September 2010

Comments Off on What Your Mate Needs

What Your Mate Needs

1. Your mate needs blessings, not insults.

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. I Peter 3:9

[...]

31. July 2010

Comments Off on Resolving Conflict

Resolving Conflict

The majority of marriages today never fully resolve conflict.

How do you resolve conflict? How do you settle fights, disagreements, and tiffs? From almost 30 years of helping marriages and families, it is clear that one thing is true! Is it any wonder why 50% of marriages break up!

Being a rather sinful person and then being married to a rather sinful person is hard enough when both love the Lord. It is nearly impossible to survive and thrive in marriage if one or both marital partners are not following and loving Jesus and His Word. [...]

8. July 2010

Comments Off on Marriage Anchor 1: Possess the highest view of God.

Marriage Anchor 1: Possess the highest view of God.

At the age of 28, I had a wife and 2 very small children; a boy and a girl. I worked hard with long hours at my company. My wife was home with the kids. When I was home I was tired and tended to be pre-occupied with work and earning the approval of my bosses. Jesus and church appeared to be important in my life, yet my priorities and accompanying attitude revealed otherwise.

I was a dyed in the wool people pleaser! Everyone at work and at church thought I was a committed follower of the Lord Jesus and His teachings. Confession: I was a carnal, incongruent man! I put on a Christian face outside the home at church and work, but I put on a different face at home. I was two faced and torn within. [...]