1. Your mate needs blessings, not insults.
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. I Peter 3:9
You might be thinking, “Now wait a minute! You’re saying I need to be kind and supportive toward my husband when he is unkind, rude, distant, or hostile toward me? That just doesn’t seem right!” You are correct. Often times obeying God and His Word, the Bible, does not feel or seem right. That is how strong the current of godless worldliness is in our rather pagan culture today. Obeying God many times will go against our grain. You know, it is like rubbing a cat’s fur the wrong way.
Let’s say your husband insults you. He is rude, uncaring, or just plain grumpy. Now in no way are we saying you should enable sinful behavior, but rather you need to choose to surrender to the empowering influence of the Lord’s Holy Spirit living within you. This can only be done if you are a true follower of Christ. If not sure, {Go to: Your Anchor} And more on the Spirit-controlled life, {Go to: https://www.cru.org/us/en/train-and-grow/spiritual-growth/the-spirit-filled-life.html}
Then, by faith and obedience, choose to find a gentle way to return a word, a touch, or another act of kindness. You do this not because your ‘out-of-sorts’ husband deserves it. He doesn’t! You choose to return a blessing because you are the daughter of your wonderful Heavenly Father and your surrendered obedience pleases Him. When you choose to obey regardless of your feelings, several things happen that man simply cannot explain!
- Your mate is drawn closer to you. This is called Oneness. To return an insult will further isolate you. {Order Remember the Rowboats Anchor Your Marriage to Christ}
- You will fulfill your calling and you will inherit a blessing. Do you have to fully understand this? No! You don’t have to. It is your Heavenly Father’s responsibility to make sense of this. It is your responsibility to obey God and inherit blessings of Oneness rather than the Devil’s plan for your marriage which always leads to the curse of Isolation.
2. Your mate needs comfort and empathy, not solutions and sermons.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4
- Remember: Do not fix the problem or offer solutions or advice. Love through quiet listening. Choose to comfort and affirm knowing he / she doesn’t deserve it.
- “Comfort” looks like: “Honey, what you’ve just shared touches my heart. I hurt for you. What you are feeling must be very painful. I’ll always be here for you. Always.”
- With tender listening, eye contact, and patient empathy (entering into one another’s pain or suffering), take turns sharing, listening to, and comforting one another asking each other the following questions:
1. What is troubling you, discouraging you, or stressing you the most right now?
2. What would you say is your greatest unmet need today?
3. What do I say, do, or what attitude do I express that depletes you the most? / affirms or builds you up the most?
4. What two qualities about my character do you admire, value, and appreciate the
most?
3. Your mate needs to know he/she is a treasured priority.
“How beautiful you are my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. How handsome you are my lover! Oh, how charming…” Song of Songs 1:15-16
The minute you step down off the altar at your wedding, many foes apposing God’s plan for your marriage begin working together to isolate, discourage, deceive, and eventually destroy the joy, hope, and tenderness you once had as you kissed at the altar. If you forget that your mate is a precious, custom designed gift for you presented to you by your Heavenly Father, you will begin to gradually reject your mate and slowly drift away from him or her.
The Devil’s plan for you is to get you focusing on the provision instead of focusing on the Provider. Your loving, capable, Heavenly Father and Provider knows exactly what you need and what your mate needs. By faith, you even need your mate’s weaknesses! Your responsibility is to receive and treasure your mate. It is God’s responsibility to work change in the life of your mate.
Like two folded, praying hands, with fingers interlaced, you desperately need each other’s strengths (fingers) and weaknesses (gaps between fingers). Try it with your hands. You will see that prayerful, blessed oneness results. If…..you remember to:
FOCUS ON THE PROVIDER
Ladies, your husband’s greatest need is to be affirmed, built up, and believed in by you.
Husbands, your wife’s greatest need is to feel safe, protected, and prized.
Focus on Jesus, your Provider. He did not make a mistake in bringing you and your mate together. No way! Do not believe the lie that whispers to you, “You made a mistake marrying this person.”?
A few simple ways you can choose to treasure your mate today are:
• Schedule a regular weekly date / get away time. Call it “Planned Hope”. (i.e.) Perhaps a Friday lunch, Friday night, or Saturday breakfast together.
• Call if you are going to be late or early. Call each other throughout the day.
• Hold hands often. Go to bed together. Cuddle pray out loud together.
• Look for ways to encourage. Speak words of life into your mate.
• Leave a loving, reassuring note on his / her steering wheel of their car or on the kitchen counter.
• Send a tender text message or E-mail when they least expect it.
God bless you!
Jim and Barbara Grunseth
Please pray God blesses many through: marriageanchors.com
Please download our latest Free E Books:
7 Glues for your Engagement and Marriage
Marriage Anchors
Rekindling Your Faith
GIVE: https://give.cru.org/0139150
Contact: [email protected]
Tue, Sep 14, 2010
Articles At A Glance