Marriage Anchors

Around 7:00 PM the flock slowly started back toward their shepherd to be fed and tended to for the night. They had been grazing all day in the pasture. Some liked the hillside while others preferred the grass near the pond.

One sheep had developed a few open sores around her nose, mouth, and eyes. Flies had been troubling these raw places of vulnerability. She was in pain. Ahead of the others, she saw her shepherd. He was waiting for her, sitting on a small stool by the open entrance to that wonderful refuge known as the sheepfold; a safe, protected place of refuge and security.

She ran to him. The shepherd welcomed her with open arms. The first thing he did was comfort her. Then, one by one, he removed the briars and sticks that had gotten caught in her wool from the day. Finally, he gently looked her over, reached down to a jar in his pocket, and scooped up some homemade salve into his hand. With much kindness and attentiveness, he put ample amounts of the healing balm on each of the sores on the sheep’s head. The relief was instant!

The pain subsided and healing began. Best of all, the ointment repelled the flies and other insects. No wonder she wanted to come home! Grain, a loving touch, and safety awaited her in the sheepfold for the night.

Husbands and wives, this is a perfect picture of how you both are to treat each other every hour, every day. The roles can easily be reversed in that the sheep could have been male and the shepherd female.

If your spouse does not look forward to coming home or having you come home, something is seriously wrong! You and your mate are called and equipped by the Lord, our true Good Shepherd, to comfort each other with grace and acceptance.

The 23^rd Psalm says:

(v.1)  “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

(v.2)  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,

(v.3)  he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

(v.4)  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,

for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

(v.5)  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head

with oil; my cup overflows.

(v.6)  Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in

the house of the LORD forever.”

Focus in on verse 5 in the middle where it reads, “You anoint my head with oil;” This is what a good shepherd does to sheep when they come home. He puts healing, comforting balm on their sores and troubled areas which are many.

Whenever your mate comes to you or when you seek out your mate, ask the Lord Jesus, your Good Shepherd, to anoint your mate’s head with the oil or balm of comfort, empathy, listening, and patient kindness through your countenance and through your touch. God promises to bless you if you do. (1Peter 3:9)

God’s Living Word confirms this message.

Ephesians 5:21 “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Galatians 6:2 “Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Hebrews 3:13a  “But encourage one another daily,”

Isaiah 40:1 “Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.”

Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as

in Christ God forgave you.”

Luke 6:36 “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

Just as Jesus, your Good Shepherd, is toward you, so you are to be toward your mate. If you feel he or she does not merit your comfort and kindness, remember that you do not deserve the Lord’s. He gives it to you freely and fully because He loves you unconditionally. His love and care for you are not based on your performance or innate worth. It is based only on His amazing love.

Finally, John 13:34 sums up your calling in marriage.

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

Now, husband or wife, fulfill your calling.

Click to get our free Marriage Anchors E Book: http://www.campuscrusade.com/promos/MarriageAnchors.html

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Copyright 2012 Jim & Barbara Grunseth, CRU (Campus Crusade for Christ) jgrunseth@centurylink.net

Have you ever walked on a pine forest pathway on a beautiful day? Imagine with us for a minute. You are enjoying the soft, pine needles under foot and the tall, evenly space pine trees that reach upward to the brilliant blue sky. As you calmly walk down this verdant path, your eye catches something small but precious. You stop and kneel down to discover a stunning and delicate May Apple blossom.

Quietly you confirm once again that God is an artful Creator who showers us with His goodness, His glory, and His majesty. In a similar way, home grown compassion reveals to us our Lord Jesus who is the author of compassion. It is the Lord “who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,” Psalm 103:4 “The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.” Psalm 116:5

The Encarta Dictionary defines compassion as, “sympathy for the suffering of others, often including a desire to help.” Like the precious May Flower blossom, compassion in marriage creates a sought after oasis for the needy soul. Looking at many biblical examples, we find that compassion was often bestowed on undeserving, destitute, and sinful people. This is the very compassion and mercy of our Lord toward those who could never perform well enough or measure up high enough to ever merit it. That is all of us.

Working with many marriages and families over the years has been both a rewarding and an insightful experience. Occasionally we come across a May Flower blossom. A kind husband or a supportive wife shows compassion toward his or her mate and this tender fragrance permeates the home. The children like being there because home is safe and secure. Mom and Dad care for each other. They support each other. They never grant conflict a lengthy stay in the Lord’s home. Home is where acceptance and help reside. It is indeed the Lord’s home and the needy souls inside are His guests. Because of this one single quality we see in some mates, we have hope.

Sometimes day after day, week after week, of counseling, training, and mentoring couples in troubled homes, Barbara and I get weary. Some people find it nearly impossible to show compassion and kindness to their mate. Unfortunately, sometimes, judgment and rejection become so ingrained in a husband’s or wife’s heart that living with them is like living with a blast furnace, a porcupine, or a dripping faucet. Some husbands and wives have swallowed the lie that they have every right to ridicule and reject their mate or his or her extended family.

One husband stated, “She doesn’t meet my needs! She is always on my back for something! Surely I deserve better! What’s wrong with her. How come she can’t get her act together like my friend’s wives!” This grieves our Lord. When God brought Barbara into my life 17 years ago, I was a desperate and destitute man. I had lost my wife of 20 years to a difficult 7 year battle to cancer. My nerves were shot. I was depressed and suffered from migraines daily. I begged God for mercy much like Bartimaeus, the blind, poor beggar did in Mark 10:46-52.

I know the Lord is merciful and compassionate toward me not just because His Word says He is but because I, like Bartimaeus, have received it. Not only was Jesus compassionate and merciful in giving me Barbara, but she, time and again, has bestowed mercy on me, a wretched, undeserving man. I am blown away by how kind, forgiving, and helpful she is not just to me but to many others as well. She is a gift from God. She is a home grown, compassionate wife, mother, and friend. I know Jesus lives and is true to His Word. I see Him everyday in our home. I see Him in Barbara. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve her. Of course, neither do I deserve what Jesus has done for me. I am grateful.

If compassion is a distant relative that has not been invited over in a long time, ask the Lord to invite His compassion in your heart, your marriage, and “His” home. It might be that your showing compassion in your home will convince others you actually love Jesus, are grateful for His compassion, and that He is worth pursuing. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 May God grant you His home grown compassion.

***

As always, Barbara and I are here to help you. Please visit marriageanchors.com for more insight and encouragement on marriage God’s way.

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Our Passion:

Helping marriages, families, and individuals find lasting hope and a future in the Lord Jesus Christ.   Jeremiah 29:11-14,      Deuteronomy 31:8

Our Prayer:

For God to raise up Hearts and Homes to be Gospel Lights to the Nations! Matthew 5:14

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jgrunseth@centurylink.net

Monday mornings are often tough on me. The phone rings, the email arrives, or a text beeps. It is a message from one of the couples we are mentoring on a regular basis. It would not be as difficult if it were just one couple battling each other all weekend. Sometimes we find out additional couples’ homes have been War Zones. Call it:

The Weekend War zone!

I am beginning to understand how my Lord Jesus must grieve and hurt when I reject His teaching and truth and choose my own self-focused way. You see, these fine couples all know the Lord Jesus as their Savior. We, and other Bible teachers have taught them God’s truth. Yet, they easily reject the truth of God’s Word preferring the ways of their flesh. 1Peter 3:9-12 says,

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” (Bold added)

Peter’s message could not be clearer. We profess that Jesus is our Savior, and then we must obey Him in the power of the Holy Spirit.

I asked Bob and Sally who tend to thrive on unresolved conflicts, jealousies, and wrong assumptions, “Is Jesus Lord and Master of your life?”  They both said emphatically, “Yes!”  I told them there is a great disconnect between their profession and their action.

I reminded them once again that if Jesus is Lord and Master of their individual lives and marriage, that means that they have forever chosen to be His bond servants (slaves).

Note Romans 6:16:

Don't you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. (NLT)  (Bold added)

Now focus on 1Corinthians 7:22:

And remember, if you were a slave when the Lord called you, you are now free in the Lord. And if you were free when the Lord called you, you are now a slave of Christ.  (Bold added)

It simply amazes Barbara and me sometimes! We share these humble truths from God’s Word with some couples and they look back at us like deer zoning out as car headlights approach. We are finding in this market driven, humanistic, narcissistic culture, many husbands and wives in their so called Christian homes pass everything, including truth from the Bible, through their:

PERSONAL GRID OF ACCEPTANCE

If they hear anything or learn of any truths that do not promote or protect their shallow, “Me First” mind sets, they quickly reject it in attitude and in action. This immediately promotes isolation, then discouragement, then deception, and finally destruction of what was intended to be God’s holy, sweet and fruitful marriage.

The mortal foe of selfless, humble obedience to our Lord Jesus

is self-absorbed, arrogant disobedience.

This fleshly, carnal attitude is a major doctrine of demons bent on destroying the glory of God in homes all over the world. This “I’ve got my rights!!!” attitude grieves and quenches the Holy Spirit. 1Thessalonians 5:19 in the King James Version says,

“Quench not the Spirit.” Other versions render it as:

“Do not stifle the Holy Spirit.” (NLT)

“Do not put out the Spirit’s fire.” (NIV)

“Extinguish not the Spirit.” (Douay-Rheims Bible)

 “Do not put out the light of the Spirit;” (Bible in Basic English)

Humbly, I told Bob and Sally several straight forward truths:

1.      Your hearts are full of pride, the downfall of everyone.

2.      You both are refusing to “…submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” ( Bold added. Ephesians 5:21)  

3.      You really do not want anyone to be Lord over you.

4.      You are not willing to be a slave to anyone.

5.      You lack a healthy fear of God.

6.      There is no trembling in your soul over offending Jesus.

7.      I asked them, “What is your first love? Who is your King? Who are you subject to and who are you accountable to? Who will you answer to?

The room got quiet. Through mostly body language and teary eyes, they softly communicated that the answer needs to be Jesus! I did not say the following but I wanted to say, “Well let’s see what your heart attitudes and heart actions say.”  The Bible says, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise”                                                                                                                                           (Proverbs 10:19)

The kind of reverence for the Lord we are talking about comes when you get sick and tired of your self-absorbed, discontentment. This kind of tender love and honor for the Lord Jesus comes only when you forget about and forsake yourself and your rights. It is when you decide that demonstrating real love for Jesus occurs when you issue or return undeserved or unearned blessings to family members.

You must choose to treat your mate and kids the same way Jesus treats you! Their sin, like yours, is an eternal offense against the Living and Almighty, Holy God. Jesus knew apart from His saving, cleansing, and substitutionary sacrifice on the cross, you would most certainly end up in Hell in everlasting punishment.

Remember Romans 5:8:

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

 Live out this love in your home right now. May your family members know this verse is true by the way you treat them. If you say that you reverence Christ, then treat others as He treats you.

When you reverence Christ, your home will begin to have the atmosphere of a:

Safe Haven of Refuge

May God grant this to all of our homes!

*****

jgrunseth@centurylink.net

Please download our latest Free E Books:

 7 Glues for your Engagement and Marriage

http://www.cruresources.com/3/post/2012/07/marriage-mentors-and-authors-say-there-are-7-glues-that-help-hold-relationships-together.html

Marriage Anchors

http://www.campuscrusade.com/promos/MarriageAnchors.html

Rekindling Your Faith

http://www.campuscrusade.com/promos/RekindlingYourFaith.html

      I remember my Dad, an imperfect but very faithful man. Married almost 61 years, a WWII Medic in the Battle of the Bulge, a Principle for 37 years. A stoic man, not much for emotions but a kind hearted man in so many ways. One day, when I was 27, he and I were arguing about something trivial. I so wanted his approval. I did not understand his language of love.

     He stopped abruptly and said in a loud voice, “Jim, What is it that you want from me?!” There in his kitchen I looked at him and blurted out, “Dad, I just want you to hold me!”  He could have shamed me. Instead, he walked over to me and gave me a big old WWII Vet Bear Hug. Our true relationship began.

     After that, I did not feel I had to earn his approval anymore. I knew he loved me, and that he was proud of me. We began going out for breakfast together once a week. We became good friends!

I did not quite understand how my Heavenly Father loved me. The Faith Principle {Faith is choosing to live as though the Bible is true regardless of circumstances, emotions, or cultural trends} has helped bring His love for me into clear focus. He loves me whether I feel it or not. He loves whether I measure up or not. I’m loved forever! Hugs help too.

You know, not only does God want us to show His kind of love to our parents, and our children, but…especially to our mate. Try telling your mate and others this week that you love them huggingly so and that they…

Ø  Don’t have to improve

Ø  Don’t have to become better

Ø  Don’t have to measure up

Ø  Don’t have to earn favor through performance

Ø  But that you love them just the way they are and if they get worse, you will never waiver on your love for them.

Will you try this? When Jesus commands us to "… Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34), He really means choose right now to pursue the people in your life, rapidly forgive them as Jesus forgave you, and issue kind, supportive, and affirming words, countenance, and loyalty. Yes, there may need to be ‘tough love’ required in some difficult situations. However, in general, we are totally without excuse when we right off a family member, hold grudges, and seek to punish them by slander, insult, rejection, or by giving them the silent treatment!

If you will take this challenge to pursue and issue the same grace filled, forgiving, kind love that Jesus shows you, to your mate, kids, parents, in-laws, and others, please email us at Jim.Grunseth@Cru.Org so we can pray on your behalf. We’re pulling for you.

Jim Grunseth

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5).

Written by Linda Montgomery, Military Ministry, Campus Crusade for Christ,

Linda.Montgomery@MilitaryMinistry.org,

http://excellentorpraiseworthy.org/

The final words of Jesus before He ascended:

“I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

— Matthew 28:20

Let’s admit it—there is a certain loneliness that comes with military service. Deployment brings geographic separation from loved ones. And even when there is camaraderie in the deployed unit, one can still feel a certain loneliness which accompanies maintaining a constant alert at a remote location or experiencing encroaching fear in battle. Even when home there is a certain isolation which can occur because loved ones might not understand or appreciate the mission and calling . . . . especially given the demands on schedules and families because of the ops tempo. So whether active duty or the spouse of an active duty service member, loneliness can accompany the realities of aloneness, even if surrounded by others.

So I don’t think we can remind one another too often that we are never alone. The presence of God is real and sure, and Easter week is a good time to say it again.

“God’s very presence is his greatest gift to us. And yet I think it is a gift that most of us have never fully unwrapped. We’ve simply never embraced it for all of the intense joy and comfort it can give us. Maybe it’s because we haven’t believed the presence of God is enough to soothe and satisfy us. . . .the Bible, from beginning to end, is a story of God extending himself, lowering himself, sacrificing himself, so that you and I can know and experience the fulfillment of a relationship with him, the satisfaction and safety of his very presence. It is God telling us over and over again that he wants to be with us.”

Nancy Guthrie in The One Year Book of Hope, pgs. 105,106.

That intimacy, made very real in the power of the Holy Spirit, is such a gift. With it comes peace in the midst of chaos, security in the midst of danger, comfort in the midst of pain, reassurance in the midst of loneliness.

Two of my favorite “presence” reminders are from early chapters in the Old Testament. Jacob is alone at Bethel when God meets him in a dream and says,

“I am the LORD, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying. Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring. I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it.” — Genesis 28:13-16

Later, in Exodus 33, Moses expresses his concern to the LORD about leading the Israelites out of Egypt and into the Promised Land. Who would go with him to guide and help? “The LORD replied, ‘My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.’” — Exodus 33:14

It is a lie that we are alone. As Christians, we are never alone. Satan would desire to create isolation in our minds and hearts, which then leads to discouragement, deception, and destruction.

Psalm 139 is the ultimate “presence” reminder. . . . and I believe speaks to our military forces who might be experiencing loneliness in the air, sea, or ground battles or even alone at home:

“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there (sounds like Air Force to me!); If I make my bed in the depths (could that be a submarine?), You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn (up early at home?), if I settle on the far side of the sea (our ground troops?), Even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.” —Psalm 139:7-10

And for a last reminder: One of the greatest commanders in the Old Testament was Joshua. When the Israelites were re-entering the land as the LORD had promised Jacob in the quote from Genesis 28, he encouraged them with these words,

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” — Joshua 1:9

Good words then. . . .good words now . . . .good words wherever you are in the world tonight. You are never alone if you know the presence of God.

Work cited: Guthrie, Nancy, The One Year Book of Hope (Carol Stream: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2005)

Questions to Share:

1. Do you know God’s Son, Jesus Christ, as Lord and Savior? If not, then you are wrestling with unforgiven sin. Why not settle this once and for all and make this the best Easter of your life!

Go to:

Godlovessoldiers.com

Godlovesmarines.com

Godlovessailors.com

Godlovesairmen.com

Godlovescoastguardsmen.com

2. Are feelings of loneliness predictable? Write out some promises of God’s presence and bring them out as a reminder when those feelings come—or, better yet, memorize them to combat the enemy when he would tell you the lie of loneliness.

________________

Jim and Barbara Grunseth, Cru, want to offer these resources to you free:

Please download our latest Free E Books:

7 Glues for your Engagement and Marriage

http://www.cruresources.com/3/post/2012/07/marriage-mentors-and-authors-say-there-are-7-glues-that-help-hold-relationships-together.html

Marriage Anchors

http://www.campuscrusade.com/promos/MarriageAnchors.html

Rekindling Your Faith

http://www.campuscrusade.com/promos/RekindlingYourFaith.html