“We were at each other’s throats all weekend!”

Monday mornings are often tough on me. The phone rings, the email arrives, or a text beeps. It is a message from one of the couples we are mentoring on a regular basis. It would not be as difficult if it were just one couple battling each other all weekend. Sometimes we find out additional couples’ homes have been War Zones. Call it:


The Weekend War zone!


I am beginning to understand how my Lord Jesus must grieve and hurt when I reject His teaching and truth and choose my own self-focused way. You see, these fine couples all know the Lord Jesus as their Savior. We, and other Bible teachers have taught them God’s truth. Yet, they easily reject the truth of God’s Word preferring the ways of their flesh. 1Peter 3:9-12 says,


Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” (Bold added)


Peter’s message could not be clearer. We profess that Jesus is our Savior, and then we must obey Him in the power of the Holy Spirit.

I asked Bob and Sally who tend to thrive on unresolved conflicts, jealousies, and wrong assumptions, “Is Jesus Lord and Master of your life?”  They both said emphatically, “Yes!”  I told them there is a great disconnect between their profession and their action.

I reminded them once again that if Jesus is Lord and Master of their individual lives and marriage, that means that they have forever chosen to be His bond servants (slaves).

Note Romans 6:16:

Don't you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. (NLT)  (Bold added)

Now focus on 1Corinthians 7:22:


And remember, if you were a slave when the Lord called you, you are now free in the Lord. And if you were free when the Lord called you, you are now a slave of Christ.  (Bold added)


It simply amazes Barbara and me sometimes! We share these humble truths from God’s Word with some couples and they look back at us like deer zoning out as car headlights approach. We are finding in this market driven, humanistic, narcissistic culture, many husbands and wives in their so called Christian homes pass everything, including truth from the Bible, through their:




If they hear anything or learn of any truths that do not promote or protect their shallow, “Me First” mind sets, they quickly reject it in attitude and in action. This immediately promotes isolation, then discouragement, then deception, and finally destruction of what was intended to be God’s holy, sweet and fruitful marriage.


The mortal foe of selfless, humble obedience to our Lord Jesus

is self-absorbed, arrogant disobedience.


This fleshly, carnal attitude is a major doctrine of demons bent on destroying the glory of God in homes all over the world. This “I’ve got my rights!!!” attitude grieves and quenches the Holy Spirit. 1Thessalonians 5:19 in the King James Version says,

“Quench not the Spirit.” Other versions render it as:

“Do not stifle the Holy Spirit.” (NLT)

“Do not put out the Spirit’s fire.” (NIV)

“Extinguish not the Spirit.” (Douay-Rheims Bible)

 “Do not put out the light of the Spirit;” (Bible in Basic English)

Humbly, I told Bob and Sally several straight forward truths:


1.      Your hearts are full of pride, the downfall of everyone.

2.      You both are refusing to “…submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” ( Bold added. Ephesians 5:21)  

3.      You really do not want anyone to be Lord over you.

4.      You are not willing to be a slave to anyone.

5.      You lack a healthy fear of God.

6.      There is no trembling in your soul over offending Jesus.

7.      I asked them, “What is your first love? Who is your King? Who are you subject to and who are you accountable to? Who will you answer to?


The room got quiet. Through mostly body language and teary eyes, they softly communicated that the answer needs to be Jesus! I did not say the following but I wanted to say, “Well let’s see what your heart attitudes and heart actions say.”  The Bible says, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise”                                                                                                                                           (Proverbs 10:19)

The kind of reverence for the Lord we are talking about comes when you get sick and tired of your self-absorbed, discontentment. This kind of tender love and honor for the Lord Jesus comes only when you forget about and forsake yourself and your rights. It is when you decide that demonstrating real love for Jesus occurs when you issue or return undeserved or unearned blessings to family members.

You must choose to treat your mate and kids the same way Jesus treats you! Their sin, like yours, is an eternal offense against the Living and Almighty, Holy God. Jesus knew apart from His saving, cleansing, and substitutionary sacrifice on the cross, you would most certainly end up in Hell in everlasting punishment.


Remember Romans 5:8:

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

 Live out this love in your home right now. May your family members know this verse is true by the way you treat them. If you say that you reverence Christ, then treat others as He treats you.

When you reverence Christ, your home will begin to have the atmosphere of a:


Safe Haven of Refuge


May God grant this to all of our homes!


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