Resolving Conflict

Sat, Jul 31, 2010

Articles At A Glance

The majority of marriages today never fully resolve conflict.

How do you resolve conflict? How do you settle fights, disagreements, and tiffs? From almost 30 years of helping marriages and families, it is clear that one thing is true!  Is it any wonder why 50% of marriages break up!

Being a rather sinful person and then being married to a rather sinful person is hard enough when both love the Lord. It is nearly impossible to survive and thrive in marriage if one or both marital partners are not following and loving Jesus and His Word.

 

The good news is this: The only true and lasting way to resolve inevitable conflict in your marriage is to do so in the Spirit instead of in the flesh. As a husband or wife operating in the flesh, you are willfully choosing to rebel against Jesus and His Word. You are choosing to live and respond selfishly and pridefully. You will slowly drift apart from your mate and slip into the fog of isolation. This, of course, will then lead to the death of your once loving, tender, and close relationship.

You are in the Spirit as a believer in Christ first only if you have called upon the Lord Jesus to save you from your sin and if you have humbly and gratefully received Him as your own personal Lord and Savior. {Go to: Your Anchor} Then once you have the Spirit of Jesus living in you, then you must consciously choose to surrender moment by moment to the freeing, joyful Lordship of Jesus Christ and his Word, the Bible. This takes humility and guts. {Go to: https://www.cru.org/us/en/train-and-grow/spiritual-growth/the-spirit-filled-life.html}

You are saved only once. But there are many fillings of the Spirit. What is required here is walking by faith. The definition of faith is this:

“Choosing to live as though the Bible is true,
regardless of circumstances, emotions, or cultural trends.” {Life Builders, CCC}
 

Seth and Jennie came to our home for marital counseling. They were hurting, angry, and ready to split up. He was in the battle of his life over alcohol abuse and she was full of pride and ready to divorce. What a mess! We spent many sessions together. It did not seem like we were getting anywhere until we handed out a one page sheet dealing with resolving conflict. For some reason known only to God, they were stopped dead in their tracks! A wave of humility and tenderness came over them. Tears and repentance followed.

We shared with them that the way in which they resolve their conflict will either honor or dishonor God. We shared with them that conflict is inevitable. We shared with them that as followers of Christ and lovers of His Word, the Bible, we have a choice. We will either respond to conflict in our flesh or in submissive obedience to the Spirit.

 
Take some time to ponder each of the Flesh responses and the corresponding Spirit responses. Please release your pain, your grudges, your rejection, your wounds, your failures, and your past to Jesus. Perhaps go over these one by one with your mate or fiancé. Jesus is waiting to heal and help!

galatians 5:16

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