Marriage Anchors

What is important to you and your marriage this Christmas season? You are probably like us. We find ourselves wrapped up in way too many great activities, some we enjoy and some we endure. I confess that last Saturday, I was wallowing in the frenzied intensity of Christmas Shopping with my wife, Barbara.

We drove about 40 minutes to get to the Mall, Target, and, yes…TOYS  R US! There I saw madness at its finest! There was Santa, store staff dressed as reindeer, and someone wearing an 8 foot tall Giraffe costume. The store was filled with parents, kids, grandparents, and more kids. They had cookies to frost and give away. I wanted one but was too embarrassed to ask for one. Maybe next time.

I am married to a really wonderful person! About half way through this “shopping” experience, I asked Barbara if I could just go out to the car and rest a bit. I figure I have about a one hour emotional air tank for such shopping. If I am in the store longer than that, I get what I call the “shopping bends”. If you have ever scuba dived, you know what I am talking about. She graciously released me from the store depths. As soon as I got in the car, I turned the heater on and promptly went to sleep. Now that is my kind of shopping!

An hour or two later, Barbara came out with toys for the grandkids. I was grateful we were done here. The problem was that we had “more” stores to explore. I heard the word “more” and, of course, my heart sank. “Oh no! I am going to be utterly swallowed up by stores, the endless clicking of clothes racks, tons of people, and certainly not enough chairs or, better yet, soft couches for me to sit on and doze. After six hours of mindless (my choice of words, not Barbara’s) shopping, we slowly drove home in the dark.

I think it was later the next day, Sunday, after church, that I realized that my “I hate shopping!” heart attitude was not conducive to the right Christmas spirit. I felt a wee bit like old Scrooge. This Scrooge needed a heart check. I was so tired of everything that has to be done during the holiday season that I forgot the most important things concerning Christmastime: The Lord Jesus coming to earth as a baby in Bethlehem. Think about it for a minute. God, the Father, sent His only Son to earth to pursue us, to reach us, and to save us from our sins. John 3:16 says,

I began to ponder the idea that what was and is important to Jesus needs to become important to me and Barbara. The Lord’s focus and passion was on one thing:

Wow! Just think about this. Jesus loved us so much that we were central in his heart. I ask myself the following tough questions. “What or who is central in my heart. What is my heart’s cry?” Stepping back a minute from the torrent of shopping, sending out Christmas cards, being a part of wonderful Christmas concerts, and decorating the house and trees, my heart check reveals some good news! From this day forward I want my heart to reflect His heart as I interact with Barbara, my loving wife and partner, my adult  children, and my grandkids. I don’t want to be an exhausted Scrooge or an old grump.

I want to set my eyes on Jesus and then go after my loved ones. I want to seek them. I want to find them and I want to love, bless, and encourage each one with smiles, hugs, words of praise and hope. I no longer want to focus on where my wife and family members fall short. The truth is,

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23

I think, at times, I have fallen into the carnal view of family and Christmas. Do you ever focus on your mate’s or your children’s or grandchildren’s faults, foibles, sins, or past miserable track records? I confess, I have. And I turn from it right now, here, as I type this letter. I ask my wife’s and my children’s forgiveness.

I have an idea, even at my age! Consider joining me in focusing on Jesus, resting in His love and peace. Then let’s go after our loved ones. Hug each and every one. Tell each one you love them and that you are proud of them. If you won’t be seeing them, call them, go to Facetime, WhatsApp, Zoom, etc. and you can love on them face to face on your computer and it is free.

For those of you who face broken, distant, or damaged relationships, please know that our hearts go out to you. Perhaps pray about the loss, the misunderstanding, the rift, and then as Jesus does toward us, go after your loved ones anyway. Pursue them. Confess any anger you have had, and do your humble best to make amends. If Jesus can come to earth, suffer and die for us, we can suffer to reach out to those we don’t get along with. Right?

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7 Glues for your Engagement and Marriage

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Marriage Anchors

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Rekindling Your Faith

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Seek Jesus and go after your loved ones this Christmas.