My heart skipped a beat as a surge of adrenaline was released into my system. My husband and I had gone to a company pool party with our three, young children. I was in the living room attending to our four month old, Sarah. I walked into the kitchen to get some water and was met with a crushing blow. My husband and another woman were at the refrigerator locked in a passionate embrace.
My flesh and the Holy Spirit began to war determining the reaction I would choose. I felt rage, shame, betrayal, disbelief, fear, and gut wrenching pain. I turned and walked out in order to sort through all the emotion.
Could it be my marriage of almost ten years was a target of our archenemy, Satan? I recalled the wife of a co-worker warning me to get my husband out of this company before it was too late. Was it now too late?
I prayed for wisdom and strength for battle. I confronted my husband that night in the privacy of our own home. He could not pray with me. His eyes lacked life. They were like deep, dark, cesspools. I cried out, "Abba Father," as I held on to his limp hands. I felt ripped in half as I cried deep, convulsive sobs. I pleaded with God to restore our marriage.
Over the next three months I began searching for help. I tried a marriage counselor, but my husband refused to go in to see him, insisting it was all my fault.
I tried new clothes, new feminine manipulations, and pretended to be interested in all my husband's worldly interests. I remember going out with him one night to a series of night clubs he had discovered with his co-workers. I sat there nursing my cocktail watching the people on the dance floor I had just left. Their faces did not reflect deep contentment and the fun times my husband had described.
Just at that moment, the thought came to me; What if the Lord returned right now? My Savior would find me trying to please my husband more than please Him. I asked to be taken home and never went back.
Another night my husband took me to a company party at a private home. After swimming and socializing awhile, I was hungry. I went to the kitchen to the buffet. Food tasted great. The problem was I began to feel very strange. When I made it to the couch, I was relieved to put my head down. Several men came over with my husband and hovered above me. I didn’t know at the time but they were into wife swapping.
My husband told the men to leave me alone. It was at that point I recalled Sodom and Gomorrah and I jumped up, ran out the front door, down the street, crying. My husband came after me in the car, took me home, and went back to the party.
During my quiet times with Jesus, His still small voice kept saying, "Let him go." I was so caught up in performing in order to please my husband that I ignored the voice of my Lord. Finally, His words to me were confirmed by two pastors from different states both sharing 1Corinthians 5:4,5:
"When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit.
and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, hand this man over to Satan,
so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.”
I asked my husband to forgive me for not being the wife he thought he needed and again pledged my commitment to him and to our Lord.
My husband chose to divorce not only his wife and three children, but also everything and everybody involved with Jesus. He took all the money out of the bank and turned off all utilities in the house. I prayed prostrate on the floor for God's leading. He provided me with a childcare job for some wealthy people. God was always faithful to supply all our needs.
I saw thirty four marriages dissolved that memorable day in court, all due to the devil's ultimate lie: irreconcilable differences. God was merciful to me and answered my prayer to remove me from the city and state we were living in. I could not bear to watch my husband in the clutches of the enemy.
The children and I set up house keeping near my family in Wisconsin. I was physically drained, emotionally rent in half, and spiritually exhausted from the battle. I determined to batten down the hatches and pull my children close to ward off any further destruction of our family unit.
Jesus became my husband. I ran to His arms daily for answers through prayer and His Word. I had a lot of fear at first. All responsibility seemed to rest on me. But I knew my enemy and I knew how to use the Word of God as a weapon.
When I had panic attacks at the grocery store or driving a car, I would set my mind on specific scriptures. I was in a war between the flesh and the Spirit.
“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."
(Isaiah 26:3)
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
(Romans 12:2)
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”
(Colossians 3:2,3)
I prayed that I would not have to work at a job outside the home until my one year old was in first grade. I wanted to be the one to raise my children in those formative years to honor and glorify the Lord. He honored my heart's cry by allowing me enough in savings and child support to care for our needs.
After Sarah's fifth birthday, I was offered three teaching jobs, one of which was at a Christian school. My children and I were there for twelve years.
I told the Lord long ago, that I would never again go out "looking" for a man to marry. If He wanted me to marry again, He would have to bring across my path a Christian man, proven to be faithful. We would both need to sense God's irrevocable calling to marriage and would need to compliment each other's ministry to advance the Kingdom of God.
He did just that!
Adapted from Chapter 4 “Barbara’s Rowboat Story” from Remember the Rowboats by Jim and Barbara Grunseth
rberrybarb@centurytel.net
2. March 2011
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